Why Being Seen Feels So Uncomfortable? (You’re Not Broken)

To our readers,
We have started a series of articles “Naming the Unnamed”, where we will explain and interpret emotional patterns people notice but they are rarely talked about. We hope to provide comfort for those who are facing it cause you are never alone.

⚽️ A Quick Check-In

Have you ever felt weirdly tense just sitting in a room with other people?

Not talking, presenting or doing anything embarrassing. Just… existing.

You suddenly become aware of your posture, face, tone and presence.
Your brain whispers: “They can see you.”

And now you feel tired and anxious— for no obvious reason.

Jon Kabat-Zinn said it beautifully:
“You do not have to believe everything you think.”

And this quote will be our mantra for this series.

The Anxiety of Being Perceived: When People Looking at You Stresses You Out

If that sounds familiar, you’re not dramatic, broken, or “too sensitive.”
You’re experiencing something many people feel but rarely know how to name: the anxiety of being perceived.

Hi, I am Minhan and I write at Readanica. This article kicks off a series about unnamed internal experiences — the feelings people live with daily but don’t have language for, tools for, or validation around. The goal isn’t just to name them — it’s to help you work with them.

⚽️ What “Anxiety of Being Perceived” Actually Is

This isn’t stage fright.
It’s not social anxiety in the traditional sense either.

The anxiety of being perceived is the persistent discomfort of being observed, noticed, or mentally registered by others, even in neutral or safe environments.

You may notice it when:

Sitting in silence with others
Walking into a room
Being watched while doing something simple
Posting online — then instantly regretting it
Feeling relief only when you’re completely alone

Psychologically, this overlaps with:

Hypervigilance (heightened self-monitoring)
Self-objectification (seeing oneself as an object to be evaluated)
Social evaluative threat (the brain interpreting attention as danger)

Researchers in social psychology have long shown that being observed increases stress responses, even without judgment (Dickerson & Kemeny, 2004). Your nervous system doesn’t need actual criticism — the possibility of evaluation is enough.

⚽️ Why This Happens?

This doesn’t come from nowhere. It’s learned.

1. Early Environments That Made Visibility Unsafe

If being noticed once led to criticism, ridicule, punishment, or emotional withdrawal, your brain connected visibility = risk.

That includes being:

constantly corrected
praised only when “performing”
shamed publicly (even subtly)
Growing up in emotionally unpredictable homes

The brain adapts by saying: “Let’s stay invisible.”

2. Trauma Doesn’t Always Look Like Trauma

Complex trauma researchers note that chronic emotional exposure, not just big events, can wire hyper-awareness of others’ reactions (van der Kolk, 2014).

You don’t need a dramatic backstory to develop this.
Repeated small moments are enough.

3. Social Media Trained the Brain to Expect Judgment

Modern life added a layer our nervous systems weren’t built for: constant and silent observation.

Likes. Views. Seen receipts. Algorithms.

Studies show that self-focused attention increases anxiety, especially when paired with comparison (Mor & Winquist, 2002). Your brain learned that being visible often leads to ranking.

So now it reacts offline too.

⚽️ What This Anxiety Does Over Time

Left unchecked, this doesn’t just stay “a feeling.”

It can quietly:

Drain energy after social situations
Make rest in public impossible
Cause avoidance of opportunities
Reduce spontaneity
Shrink your sense of self

Many people mistake this for introversion.
But introversion doesn’t feel threatening — this does.

⚽️ How to Actually Work With It

This is where most people fail — so let’s slow down.

Step 1: Separate Attention From Threat

Your nervous system is reacting as if being seen equals danger.

When it activates, try this exact reframe:

“I am being noticed, not evaluated.”

This isn’t positive thinking — it’s cognitive threat correction, a technique used in anxiety treatment (Beck, 2011).

Repeat it until your body catches up.

Step 2: Shift From Self-Monitoring to Sensory Grounding

Perception anxiety lives in the head.
Relief lives in the body.

Do one of these in the moment:

Press your feet into the floor
Notice 3 sounds around you
Touch something textured

Somatic grounding reduces self-focused attention and calms the stress response (Porges, 2011).

Step 3: Practice “Neutral Visibility”

Instead of forcing confidence, practice being visible without performing.

Examples:

Sit without fixing your posture
Speak without editing mid-sentence
Let your face rest naturally

This retrains your brain that nothing bad happens when you stop managing perception.

Step 4: Reduce the Internal Audience

Ask yourself:

“Who am I imagining right now?”

Often, it’s not the people around you — it’s internalized voices from the past.

Naming that reduces their authority.

Step 5: When to Seek Support

If this anxiety:

Limits your life
Causes dissociation
Leads to isolation
Is paired with panic or shame

Trauma-informed therapy or CBT can help dismantle the underlying threat associations. This isn’t weakness — it’s nervous system retraining.

⚽️ What People Commonly Get Wrong?

This is not vanity.
You’re not obsessed with yourself — you’re protecting yourself.

This is not rudeness or coldness.
Many warm people pull back simply because being seen costs too much energy. It drains them.

This is not something you “grow out of.”
It fades when safety is rebuilt, not when it’s ignored.

⚽️ Why Naming This Matters

Unnamed experiences feel personal while named experiences become workable.

Once you know what’s happening, you stop blaming your personality and start addressing the mechanism.

That’s the point of this series.

⚽️ Final Thought

If being alone feels like relief instead of loneliness, your system might just be tired — not antisocial.

You don’t need to become louder, bolder, or more visible.
You need to feel safe while being seen.

And that’s learnable.

⚽️ References and Further Reading:

Beck, A. T. (2011). Cognitive Therapy of Anxiety Disorders
Dickerson, S. S., & Kemeny, M. E. (2004). Acute stressors and cortisol responses
Mor, N., & Winquist, J. (2002). Self-focused attention and anxiety
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score